To be a successful mother of sons you must: (and by you I mean me)

• Quit ogling (and sometimes buying for the future) tea sets, doll houses, and pink clothes every time you shop.
• Learn to play with action figures. This means you have to think like a boy. Captain Jack and Will Turner want to FIGHT. They do NOT want to garden, have a tea party, or be nice Daddies who do the dishes. They want to dismember each other.
• Quit hating sports. You have very athletic children and years of spectating before you. Just accept that your Saturday mornings will never ever be free ever again and invest in a good lawn chair and cooler.Accept that your boys will come inside from playing completely filthy and smelling of wet dog. And furthermore, they will NOT stop digging in the dirt and will NEVER wipe their feet adequately before entering the house.
• Potty words are here to stay. Just like the bodily functions they represent, they will never cease being a large part of your life.
• Instead of being offended at being brutally stabbed, shot, and/or impaled in all pretend battles, be flattered that you were worthy enough to be chosen as an adversary.
• Keep lots of Febreze Air Effects, Lysol Wipes, Hand Sanitizer, and snacks (for bribery and personal fortification) on-hand at all times.
• Check the toilet seat before sitting down